based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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