his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
