DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
