He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This baby is an asshole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have already put on my inside pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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