This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
