Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
