this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
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He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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