Do you still have your period?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
