I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
