I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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