ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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