I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
