His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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