I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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