he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
