I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
