Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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