i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
