I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
