"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
