pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
