Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i love accidental penises.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
