Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
