Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This house was built for laser tag.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
