And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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