Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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