Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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