I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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