Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
