Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
