I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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