Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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