After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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