Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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