somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
