One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
