If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
