How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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