cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
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I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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