oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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