can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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