Yo dont text me then not text me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
