It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize