Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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