yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
