so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
