New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
