Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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