When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
