Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
