The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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