I just cut my nipple shaving
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
