Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have fence marks all over my body
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
