Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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