I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
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I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
please don't ironically join a cult
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