Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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