who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
