How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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