She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
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She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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