Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
