this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
