no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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