I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
