well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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