omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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