I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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