Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
