i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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