I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
