I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
