who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
