The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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