at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
