I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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