Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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