Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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