Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
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I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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