My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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