I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
